tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post1636784121242314406..comments2024-01-24T08:02:32.708-05:00Comments on The Queen and King: Collateral Damage with Estrangement and No ContactGretel Ellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-33554321178467474612015-05-13T16:34:11.780-04:002015-05-13T16:34:11.780-04:00I really resonate with this post and grieve the co...I really resonate with this post and grieve the collateral damage from my estrangement from my family. Thanks for putting your thoughts out for all the world to read.<br /><br />As a pastor myself, I feel both sides of this issue. I have a BPD mother and NPD father (what a wonderful combination!). My family is much like the mafia, where my father is the Godfather running things and my brother became a hitman. Though I cut off contact over 8 years ago, they still track me down, talk to those in my life that they perceive as having authority over me, and try to pull me back in to their nightmare version of a relationship. I was nearly kicked out of one church due to my father's relentless attacks and they are going after me still at my current church. <br /><br />Unfortunately, the collateral damage has been severe and painful. Especially in my own heart and life. I found great help in Margalis Fjelstad's "Stop Caretaking the Bordeline of Narcissist and How To End the Drama." I also was able to attend a support group she led in Ft. Collins, CO that was hugely helpful. <br /><br />What has been most helpful is learning what a true father is and finding that in God as father. I was blown away to discover that even Jesus had a difficult relationship with his mother and siblings (Mark 3). I love the way he dealt with it: gracefully and with strength though they thought he was crazy and came to take him away. I am in a place of strength in general now, but will have to face off with my brother again in a month, or so he threatens. I am so grateful to be surrounded by people who know my "secret" and have extended me grace and support. In the end, this church I get to pastor has proved to be my true family and a source of strength. <br /><br />Thankfully, my family of origin doesn't have to define me; I have a new family that is thicker than blood. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-17248612721980162242014-03-31T22:01:41.859-04:002014-03-31T22:01:41.859-04:00I am so very, very sorry. I completely understand ...I am so very, very sorry. I completely understand and sympathize. All my best to you and yours. Gretel Ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-8713546949084019482014-03-31T06:15:53.454-04:002014-03-31T06:15:53.454-04:00We are really struggling with collateral damage ri...We are really struggling with collateral damage right now. My wife has cut off her BP mother, who in turn is leveraging our Pastor against us. We absolutely don't want to leave, but he refuses to address the issue, instead pressuring us to see her infant granddaughters.<br /><br />We think she may have written a huge check to the church, but no way to be sure.<br /><br />Soul crushing, really.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-54070568913345705512014-01-24T13:43:44.812-05:002014-01-24T13:43:44.812-05:00Congratulations for the rebirth and being truly ha...Congratulations for the rebirth and being truly happy. How very inspiring for all to read :) And I agree with you-- when it comes to a BPD who is able to manipulate those around her, it's better to 'slip away' as you said. And I agree with, "If they really were so concerned about me, where in the world were they?" Amen. Gretel Ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-2772244918325765332014-01-24T12:50:55.830-05:002014-01-24T12:50:55.830-05:00Collateral Damage has kept me up at night, too. I...Collateral Damage has kept me up at night, too. I have been no-contact with my parents for 6.5 years. Through therapy (a lot of therapy), I have overcome much of the damage caused by a BPD mother and Narcissist father. I see it as a rebirth, rising from the ashes like a phoenix. I now live my life for me, and I am truly happy. Anyhow, during that time I have spoken with 2 family members (one from both sides). I have come to the conclusion that if they weren't there with me through this journey of recovery, then they really do not know me now. It's sad, and I miss having the connection to family. They have too been manipulated by my mother. But I honestly think it's just better to 'slip away' for everyone. If they really were so concerned about me, where in the world were they?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com