tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post2894050053710342092..comments2024-01-24T08:02:32.708-05:00Comments on The Queen and King: The Road to Discovery and Understanding my PastGretel Ellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-20186831804571135222014-09-16T18:49:43.627-04:002014-09-16T18:49:43.627-04:00Your analysis is priceless! I love how you put all...Your analysis is priceless! I love how you put all of it down into words. May I use / reference your analysis sometime in my writings? Thanks so much for taking the time to share-- you hit the nail on the head. And, yes, I have drawn the same correlation between my name and the Hansel & Gretel story :) however, I thoroughly enjoy how you described the connections. Gretel Ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-21155085500676971072014-09-11T17:29:50.213-04:002014-09-11T17:29:50.213-04:00Cheers Gretel! You know it's funny, I don'...Cheers Gretel! You know it's funny, I don't know if that is your "real" name or a pseudonym for the purposes of this blog, but I like the symbolism of the name "Gretel" from the classic fairy tale about the children who become lost in the woods after being deliberately stranded there by their mean (BPD) stepmother and their dominated (NPD?) father, only to end up being lured in by a cannibalistic witch who lives in a superficially attractive house made of candy. <br /><br />It is Gretel who rescues her brother by outwitting the witch and then is able to find their way back home, despite the trail of breadcrumbs (a disappearing map) having been eaten by birds. As you know, fairy tales contain much mythic subtext about archetypical psychological journeys that humans may be presented with. Apparently in original versions of the tale, it was not the stepmother but the actual mother who turned the children out. Compounding that dualism, the alternately kindly yet murderous witch is evidence of splitting the female mother figure into good/bad. <br /><br />Putting aside for the moment the misogynistic aspect of portraying the father as a blameless stooge who doesn't stick up for his kids yet is joyfully reunited with them at the end, the tale is about siblings who defy adult terror and outwit manipulators in order to find safety. Their freedom comes at the cost of committing a seemingly brutal act (burning the witch in the oven) yet it is clearly a situation of "it's either her or us" and so survival demands it. In the same way, "going NC" appears harsh and against normal social values, but it is the only way that Hansel and Gretel can get out of the woods and back to their own house: self-awareness. <br /><br />From your history I get that you have been there for your brother in the same way as Gretel in the fairytale, rescuing him from the cage he was put in by the "witch" and helping him find the road back home (to the self) despite the lack of signposts. To me, it is also significant that the father in the tale is a woodcutter, yet the children get lost in the woods. A proper woodcutter would be a man of the forest and his children would know their way around the woods because he would have shown them. But his narcissistic self-absorption means that he does not equip them with the necessary tools to navigate life, even prioritizing his romantic/sexual relationship above his responsibility to them. If you chose the name Gretel, then I'm guessing my dime store analysis is nothing new to you. But if it is your given name then it is a most interesting reflection on the subconscious of your parents that they should have made you the namesake of this fascinating mythic heroine. <br />All the best. 66<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-59588889593293482062014-09-11T12:01:32.666-04:002014-09-11T12:01:32.666-04:00Thanks for stopping by, the support, and the comme...Thanks for stopping by, the support, and the comment filled with rich information and experiences. And I couldn't agree with your concluding statement more... it is a tough road to travel and part-and-parcel of blaming the victim of the personality disordered parents rather than the abusing parents themselves. Gretel Ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-22717090481977613732014-09-11T04:39:25.519-04:002014-09-11T04:39:25.519-04:00p.s. I left off the last line, just saying that as...p.s. I left off the last line, just saying that as mentioned above, I will write to you at greater length in private. Until then - thanks and I wish you happiness.<br /><br />Diana RAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-60656995212391710612014-09-11T04:16:17.500-04:002014-09-11T04:16:17.500-04:00Gretel I will write to you privately as it is all ... Gretel I will write to you privately as it is all a bit too huge to go into in this little box. But I wanted to make a public post as a show of support for your clarity of thought and courage in defying the doctrine of secrecy that personality disordered parents thrive by perpetuating. We are almost exact contemporaries and it also took me until my 30s to make the breakthrough into PD diagnoses. <br /><br />With me, it was the other way around: I grasped my father's NPD first due to a relationship I had with an NPD man and a deep contemplation that I had under the influence of ayahuasca (a powerful psychoactive substance). Although I had always, like yourself, known there was something wrong with both my parents, I had bought into my mother's BPD blame trip to the degree that I thought her problems arose from living with a bafflingly "selfish" man. Faint memories of my mother calling my father "Narcissus" after the mythological character (he was a stage actor at one point in his life, very good-looking and extremely vain) and seeing the parallels, energetically anyway, between the rollercoaster ride of intoxicating attention followed by absence that I was experiencing with my NPD boyfriend, led me to a deep realization during the ayahuasca trip. (Actually, it was very much like Alice's conversation with the caterpillar in Carroll's books, so I was fascinated to find the link to the article that used the Alice stories as a construct for understanding this stuff.) After the trip, I investigated the actual disorder named after Narcissus. It blew the lid off! I ended the relationship with the NPD and thus began a lengthy quest of much reading and researching into the DSM1V and the Cluster B disorders. Though it was a process that was far from complete for many years.<br /><br /> Like you, I am so thankful that for whatever reason I was lucky enough to have my own mind from a very early age. Looking back on it, I think that a year spent with my paternal grandparents at the crucial age of between 2 and a half and 3 and a half years old (right when these PDs become established) may have been the saving grace. What I can't understand is how my father developed NPD when his parents do not at all fit the mold of abusers. I don't know much about my mother's childhood and never met her parents.<br /><br />As a performer and singer, I did have to battle with narcissistic tendencies in myself, in my 20s, as well as the intermittent explosive disorder (uncontainable emotional outbursts) typical of a BPD, throughout life. But I have always wanted to understand myself, to not be an automaton driven by pathologies and to free myself from the legacy of enormous talent and zero success that both my parents and older sister have lived out. <br /><br />One thing I think is greatly overlooked in the literature on these subjects, but which you have touched upon here, is the bizarre relationship that both BPDs and NPDs have to gifting. I have dozens of very, very strange stories about mental and emotional games around both giving and receiving of gifts.<br /><br />I hope that as these disorders become more commonly discussed, by people such as us coming out of the woodwork, that regular people from regular families will STOP their dismissive attempts to normalize our experiences with empty platitudes like "...oh but all families are dysfunctional in some way..." One of the most painful aspects of surviving my family is when I have to hear this kind of shit from people who really do not have a clue, who have never had their mother call them "evil" or their father miss practically every important event and milestone in their lives.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-21249723444393893382009-03-23T15:52:00.000-04:002009-03-23T15:52:00.000-04:00I'd like to second that motion! Our stories are s...I'd like to second that motion! Our stories are so similar, as you know, and I admire your bravery in every imaginable way! I too am so thankful God brought you into my life. . . - CAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-77836836798254720372009-03-16T15:46:00.000-04:002009-03-16T15:46:00.000-04:00Thank you so much! You made my day.Thank you so much! You made my day.Gretel Ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-46407346389686760552009-02-15T20:29:00.000-05:002009-02-15T20:29:00.000-05:00Wow! I have been reading your blog in bits, and it...Wow! I have been reading your blog in bits, and it’s pretty amazing how you have just flourished and have become so selfless in your journey! Gretel, love, you are a warrior, and your daughter has inherited that trait. You have such amazing qualities and have an amazing story. I am blessed to know the real Gretel Ella Smith. Thank you for being such a wonderful person!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com