tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post5316704700760946834..comments2024-01-24T08:02:32.708-05:00Comments on The Queen and King: Dealing with EstrangementGretel Ellahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-7748750859365132742011-04-26T22:16:59.718-04:002011-04-26T22:16:59.718-04:00I have not had contact in 7 years... and honestly,...I have not had contact in 7 years... and honestly, I haven't had difficulty with the estrangement. I believe the previous estrangements and the lead up to this one caused the separation to be "final" so to speak. After all of the cycles we had been through, and now she was involving my fiancée as well as colleagues / friends, the icing was on the cake. The freedom I felt as well as the weight lifted off of my shoulders was immense... and then all of her dysfunctional and damaging behavior that followed only solidified what I already believed. <br /><br />When my child was born, I felt a very VERY profound feeling-- that the end of the relationship was in fact THE END. So much had transpired-- my wedding, pregnancy, and now birth of my child-- and with the birth of my child, I had this over powering feeling to protect her and to never have what happened to me happen to her. <br /><br />Like you I wish I had a 'normal' mother. Like you I don't feel any guilt. Like you I have accepted what cards I have been dealt. I have moved on... and I have found peace. <br /><br />Thank you for taking time to stop by and comment. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Hugs to you.Gretel Ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-24790486973705775172011-04-26T22:08:46.367-04:002011-04-26T22:08:46.367-04:00I have not had contact with my BP mother in 10 yea...I have not had contact with my BP mother in 10 years. The first couple of years were difficult. I felt very much alone in the world even though I had a husband and child. Then I began to see I could have the kind of happy family holidays I always wanted... the happy family life I always wanted because I was now in control of it. I could create my own traditions for myself and my family. The sky was the limit. I changed my perspective. Not just about holidays but about our life. Yes I went through a grieving process and no one can tell you how long that will take. However I will tell you from where I stand now- 10 years later - I think of my mother seldom. I think of her with very removed emotions. Do I wish I had a normal mother still? Yes. Do I feel any guilt about about no contact? No- because I did not ask for this. I did not choose to have a mother with bpd. The final puzzle piece I believe is acceptance. Acceptance allows you to move on. <br />Eventually... you move on. I hope you all find peace. I know your pain only too well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-47620550657476095662011-01-24T21:08:35.711-05:002011-01-24T21:08:35.711-05:00Why Thanksgiving, if I may ask? A special connotat...Why Thanksgiving, if I may ask? A special connotation to that holiday? A memory from the past? <br /><br />I completely and utterly understand the campaign of denigration you speak of (misinformation campaign). Heaven only knows what outlandish lies my mother has spoken to those that will listen. I also completely and utterly understand the ability to "slip back into it's my fault" ... so very fortunate we both are to have support people around us, like our husbands, to keep us focused on what is true: WE are the victims. <br /><br />Likewise, I am sorry this has happened to you... and I appreciate VERY MUCH you stopping by to share a bit of your story with me. I am pleased that my blog post reached out to you-- hugs!Gretel Ellahttp://thequeenandking.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-51934381756114078642011-01-24T06:45:15.028-05:002011-01-24T06:45:15.028-05:00This post really resonates with me. I've been ...This post really resonates with me. I've been fully estranged (she would come and go when I was younger) from my mom since 2003 and the holidays and birthdays are still very hard. Luckily, I usually only have one crying fit per year (Thanksgiving) now =)<br />It's hard, but the misinformation campaign my queen mother waged against has caused so much lies and stories I no longer get invites from any family member. They don't want to exclude my mom so I get cut from all the family functions. Maybe they'll send me a card, but it doesn't feel authentic. I know it's best for me and my husband, but occasionally I slip back into that "it's my fault" and he kindly reminds me that is the victim in me talking and I move on. I'm sorry this has happened to you too but am grateful you are talking about this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-7139141010617877462011-01-07T23:04:02.992-05:002011-01-07T23:04:02.992-05:00I can totally understand having depression accompa...I can totally understand having depression accompany estrangement. No matter what the cause of the estrangement, we don't **want** to be separated from our parent(s)... we wish for a healthy and happy relationship with him / her /them. However, sometimes that is not possible and the total opposite is presented where we have to go it alone. <br /><br />I have been estranged from my mother off and on my whole life... and after this last conflict in 2004, that was the last straw. I am still saddened by 'what could be' but also know that it 'can't be' ... so I remain strong and know that estrangement is best for not only me but also my husband and child. <br /><br />You are not crazy... and you certainly aren't the only one. And you will find peace... keep searching and you will. Also sooner or later, you will find that you don't need that drink to feel good about yourself and that you feel good just being. <br /><br />Thank you so much for your comment... taking time to stop by. And I am completely honored to have made an impact. If you ever want to chat, send me an email. Until then, keep your chin up and keep a smile in your heart.Gretel Ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-70947385113625448732011-01-06T17:35:12.688-05:002011-01-06T17:35:12.688-05:00Wow, that's a great bit of insight. I recently...Wow, that's a great bit of insight. I recently became estranged from my mother, right before the holidays. As a result I became depressed and began to abuse alcohol and benzodiazepines, trying to emulate my favorite dead rock stars I guess. I'm really thankful for your insight and it helps to know that if I am crazy at least I'm not the only one. I hope that this will help me along the way to a life where I don't need a drink in my hand to feel good about myself. Thank you so, so much, your words have truly touched me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-90165353420003723462010-12-22T21:37:24.766-05:002010-12-22T21:37:24.766-05:00you are so welcome... my pleasure :)you are so welcome... my pleasure :)Gretel Ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12399915088073772365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3774711327647583278.post-49542191520420831622010-12-22T20:40:40.872-05:002010-12-22T20:40:40.872-05:00thank you..couldn't have said it better myself...thank you..couldn't have said it better myselfAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com