Saturday, May 9, 2009

Estranged from Mother on Mother's Day

I was googling 'estranged from mother on Mother's Day' to see what folks had to say about this topic, and I stumbled upon this poem that was posted on Grieving Mother's Day

My mother taught me
More than the teachers ever did.

My mother loved me

More than all my lovers ever could.

My mother showed me

How to be happy all the time.

And my mother

Taught me about Jesus.

What is ironic about this piece is that not one aspect of this poem applies to the mother I have. The only part that could possibly apply to my mother is the first two lines as she placed a lot of credence on education and she did work with me closely as a young child (preschool and younger) so that I excelled entering into the school system in kindergarten.

Otherwise, if she loves me more than all my lovers could, she didn't and doesn't show it. She bashes me to those who will listen. She lies about me when she can. She manipulates facts about me and twists the truth. She paints me in the worst light possible and spreads horrible stories about me. She tries to recruit my friends, husband's family, and my colleagues into her bashing by instigating email campaigns against me. These actions are NOT in any sense indicative of a person who loves you-- much less a mother who has unconditional love for her child. She has behaved like this since I was a child. At least now, I am removed from the abuse.

My mother DEFINITELY did not show me 'how to be happy all the time'. I DID... it's actually part of my nature. My mother has been a negative, glass half empty, and unhappy person since I was first cognizant of her personality. She was frequently heard saying, "Life's a bitch and then you die" and "If it's not one thing, it's another"... and she was rarely happy-go-lucky and carefree. Everything is an effort. Everything is a big-deal. Everything is a pain in the rear for her. I remember thinking how she could take even the most wonderful and magical thing like a trip to Disney World and make it miserable for herself. I knew I didn't think that way, and I never wanted to be like her-- since I was a young, young girl.

Last, my mother completely did NOT 'teach me about Jesus'. She said that she had religion forced on her so she decided to allow my brother and me to discover and decide about religion on our own-- POOR decision in my experience and opinion. She didn't guide us, lead us, or teach us in any way, shape, or form about religion. The closest thing we got to religion was attending kindergarten at the Presbyterian church up the street. I recall my brother asking what the place was, and my mother answering that we were in God's house. And then my brother asked to meet him. My mother said that he wasn't home at that time. I also wondered what the books where on the back of all the chairs but didn't dare to ask in fear of sounding stupid (I was around 5 years of age).

On this Mother's Day, I will focus on the wonderful, nurturing, and happy women in my life on Mother's Day. The women that taught me about life, loved me fully & deeply, and showed me sheer happiness. Whether my aunt, sister in law, friends, or colleagues, the women are honored in my eyes for all they do for their children and all they contribute to the world. I have so many women in my life to be grateful about that my negative and confusing mother is not a second thought.

Additionally, I focus immensely on my daughter... this little magical being in my life that made me a mother, the one who makes my life a heartwarming and endearing life to live, and the one who fills my heart with so much happiness I could burst. She is the light of my life and gives me SO MUCH to be thankful about.

1 comment:

  1. In "Honoring" the dishonorable, we truly detract from the honor due all the really good moms who often are on their knees on Mother's Day trying to "honor" their CB "Mothers."
    Get off your knees: You're "The Mom" now and *you* deserve the honor not only on this day but every day!