Hello everyone! I get so many emails daily from readers asking if I am doing well and if I am still active with this blog. Yes, I am still here; however, due to time restraints, I haven't written a new blog entry in quite some time. I appreciate the emails, however, and value each one.
So, this post is simply a check-in to let everyone know that after 12 years, I still haven't had any contact with my mother, and after 8 years, I haven't had contact with my Dad. Neither has reached out to me, and I have not reached out to them ... and my life has been very peaceful and drama-free.
My child is now 9 years old. She has asked about my mother and Dad, and I have told her in generalities what happened during my childhood to present. I try to keep the information factual, simple, and matter-of-fact. I don't lay blame, but rather simply relate what happened. She is very supportive and understanding.
When she was younger, I was concerned that if she knew about happened between my parents and me that she would assume that was the 'norm'. I am glad that the questions didn't start until she was older so she had lots of experience with healthy family dynamics. She understands that what happened between my parents and me (as well as my brother) was / is not normal and that no contact was / is necessary.
My child and I have also spoken about how my brother, who was raised with the same parents in the same situation, had a totally different outcome in his life than me-- illustrating that your life is what you make of it rather than what happens to you. I chose to work hard, prosper, and muster on despite the poor circumstances; whereas, he chose to use the poor circumstances as an excuse for laziness, lack of motivation, and not trying. My child sees these differences and realizes that while my brother and I both had troubled childhoods and abusive parents, life is what you make of it.
So, do I have any regrets regarding no contact with my parents at this point? Absolutely not. Life has been amazingly peaceful: manipulation free and non-toxic. I have closure and have moved forward. My husband is not subjected to the drama and confusion anymore. And my child will not be put in the middle of any of the mind-games or pathology. She has a very healthy and loving relationship with my mother's sister and sister's husband (Nana and Papa) as well as my husband's parents. Thankfully, she won't have to live through the trials, tribulations, and struggles of BPD and NPD.
One concern has been and always will be until it happens: what will I do when they each passes-away? My child even posed this question to me. I would say that this question is the last remaining issue surrounding my parents. In regard to this, many life changing events have happened in the last decade that neither parent or those close to them have notified me. These events included my mother almost dying from 3 strokes, my Dad having serious surgery, and more. My intuition tells me that I won't find out from anyone notifying me; however, I may find out from a random post appearing on my Facebook wall which is fine. If we choose not to have a relationship during life, why would things all of the sudden change due to death?
Anyway, I hope to get back to blogging regularly. Work has kept me very busy (I am grateful and appreciative), and family life is always a super fun adventure (which again, I am grateful and appreciative). Until then, remember, if you are a grown child of a BPD and NPD parents, my love and best wishes go out to you. You are a war veteran in every sense of the word, and your psychic landscape, no doubt, looks something like what's left after a bombing attack-- but it CAN and WILL get better!
