Sunday, September 25, 2016

Should You Save Your Relationship with Your Unloving Mother?

I reviewed Peg Streep's book, "Mean Mothers, Overcoming a Legacy of Hurt" (click here to read) as well as discussed some of her points in the blog entry: Divorcing Your Mean Mother.  

In the book, one of the most powerful moments is when Streep gets the call from her brother that her estranged mother is dying (page 31), the comment from him that he thought she might want to come see her, and the decision Streep makes. I was on the edge of my seat, wondering what decision Streep would make. Ultimately, Streep's decision and her feelings about her decision mirror what I have concluded to do. Powerful passages that, as Streep says, "testifies to what can happen when a mother can't love her daughter in the way she needs to be loved" (page 33). Overall, the book was powerful, validating, and profoundly meaningful-- and highly recommended.

Now she's published an outstanding article in Psychology Today that is just too good not to share. This article hits the nail on the head multiple times and gave me 'ah ha' moments more than once. The quotation that truly connected with me is, When a parent lies, sabotages, manipulates, and treats her own child with hate there is no way a ‘relationship’ can be salvaged! I went no contact to save myself. Why would I go back like I did one hundred times, hoping things would improve just to get hurt worse, to question my self-worth, and to believe, once again, that there was something wrong with me.” Wow. Bam. That is it. 

Hopefully, this article will hit home with you, too, if you are battling through hard choices pertaining to your unloving and narcissistic mother: Can You Salvage Your Relationship With Mom? Should You?

    1 comment:

    1. Thank you! I feel such excitement at the growth I know is ahead each time I get a post notification of yours. Your writings were and still are a huge part of my healing. I posted as "used to be her pride and joy" but basically this article reinforced my no contact decision I made over 6 years ago!! It doesn't feel like that long but yet the personal growth I've experienced has only been 6 years. I'm still growing but loving my kids so they will hopefully never question my love for them, I am sober and being the best I can be for my children and myself is what matters to me most. I'll never have the answer to why me, but somehow knowing others have been affected by similarly sick people makes me feel less alone in unloving my mothers.