Monday, March 16, 2009

Grandmother's Death | The Defining Moment

If there is one moment in my life that defines all the rest, a moment that changed the path of my life forever, and a moment that is pinnacle to my family's history, that moment is the death of my Grandmother-- the passing of her life. Today is the anniversary of my Grandmother's death, and although it's been 32 years, the news seems like it was delivered yesterday.

Before writing about her death, I want to write about her. She was the anchor that held the family together. She was a the strength and the glue that tied us all together. I remember her only from a child's perspective, but my Grandmother was one tough cookie. She was a loving, devoted, and loyal wife, a cherished mother, and an honored grandmother. She was a role model and a lady like Audrey Hepburn was a lady-- with impeccable taste, manicured style, and perfect manners.

With her death came the demise of my Grandfather who worshiped the ground she on which she walked. They had deep and affectionate relationship, and that love shone through to the end. My Grandfather was a lost soul without her on Earth with him, and although he struggled to continue with life, he wasn't the same. He joined her in heaven a little more than 19 months later.

With my Grandmother's death, my mother became unleashed. Her personality warped further into the dark abyss of her disorder. She inflicted her wrath onto my Grandfather, further spiraling him into depression, and, in my opinion, ultimately leading to his death. My mother further unleashed her wrath onto my immediate family-- cheating on my Dad with his friend and putting the family through a relentless divorce and emotional turmoil that lasted for years and years.

With my Grandmother's death, my brother and I never had another 'normal' holiday. We never had another experience with our Grandparents. We never had her unconditional, loyal, and devoted love that she lavished on us-- the type of love that my mother never truly showed us. My brother and I started on a journey with our parents, without my Grandparents' shield, that was riddled with criticism, judgment, confusion, mental & emotional abuse, and scars that would last a lifetime.

So this moment, the coming of the end of my Grandmother's life, is a moment that is pinnacle, life changing, and defining for my life. I can clearly reflect on how that specific moment in time changed the course of history for not only me, but also my intermediate family. Not only was the loss was profound, but the effect of the loss itself was profound. I have not had another moment that is so influential, intense, and impacting except the birth of my child.

And with my Grandmother's death, I experienced the feeling of deep loss-- a loss that I still feel to this day. I will always remember her style, I will always remember her laugh, I will always remember her cooking, and I will always remember her hugs. She touched my heart, and I am so blessed to have known her. How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to. I love you Grandma.


  1. Very touching and sad. Your Grandmother lives on through your memories.

  2. My grandmother died last year. She was my best friend, someone I went to when things got bad. She always supported me, always stuck up for me, never criticized, always loved. She was my rock, as well..and without her I feel really alone.

  3. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your Grandmother-- but remember you are not alone. She is still with you.

    Honor her by living the way to which she wanted you to. Be a rock for someone like she was to you. And treat others the way she treated you with support & love and it will come back to you.

    She will be with you now and forever as she was before-- keep the love alive.

  4. I see this very important anniversary just passed a week ago today. How much you still miss her, I'm sure.
    What a lovely, lovely woman she was and her love for you touched your heart and your life in a way that has never been lost-it is manifest in your life today.
    I am sure, absolutely certain she would be so proud of you and your family! The people we love and who love us unconditionally remain with us, always. The years may change the expression of our grief, but they never mitigate it.
    My sincere condolences,

    1. Very much appreciated :) I do miss her very much. I can feel that she is still here with me-- I can see her in my child, I can feel her love, and I remember her strength so very clearly.