"It's about secret things. The destructive narcissistic parent creates a child that only exists to be an extension of her self. It's about body language. It's about disapproving glances. It's about vocal tone. It's very intimate. And it's very powerful. It's part of who the child is." Chris
When we live with someone who exhibits the "outward-acting" type of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), we learn to tolerate ongoing oppression by an abusive bully (aka, your very own parent). I certainly experienced this and felt this way growing up with a BPD mother who used me (figuratively) as her whipping post. I experienced her as controlling and intimidating and went to great lengths to walk on eggshells. I also put great effort into pleasing her (ie: trying to be *perfect*), a futile tactic family members use (especially the people pleasers) to contain conflict.