Friday, February 6, 2009

Drama for the Momma (2006 - 2007)

Life was sweet and full of fun times for my new husband and me. And we decided it was time to add a member to our family. We tried on Memorial Day weekend, and to our surprise, we had a baby girl on the way. My Dad was thrilled when we presented him & my step-mother the news at church on Father's Day. They acted like they wanted to be involved with the events, and we tried our best to keep them included with the developments.

My husband had wanted to change jobs, so I had been looking online for him. After about a year of searching, submitting resumes, and answering ads, he had an interview that really suited him well. The job change news was very good news as the job meant more hours for my husband at home (and with a baby on the way, that's GREAT), more money, better job conditions with less stress, and job advancement. The move would be about an hour north of where we were living at the time-- and about an additional 15 minute drive to my Dad's house.

A side note here is that my Dad and step-mother had voiced that they wanted us to move closer to them-- like in their town. I had searched for positions for my husband in all places, and didn't restrict the search in any way. The fact of the matter, no positions were available where they live, so he wasn't able to interview or take a position in their town.

My husband decided to accept the position, and he decided rather than telling my Dad and step-mother about the news over the phone, he would wait to tell them in person at a family fall picnic. To our surprise and dismay, they were upset, VERY upset, about the news. They were upset that he chose to tell them at the picnic (and ruin their time), and they were upset that we would be living farther away from them (even thought its only 15 minutes or less). They were also upset that we didn't ask my step-sister to be our Realtor. We were completely shocked and taken back by their reaction. And this is still an issue to this day! Their viewpoints don't make any sense, are completely selfish, and the epitome of controlling.

In regard to using my step-sister as our Realtor, she had never sold a home, she didn't know our area of town (she lived an hour away), she was always late for all events (personal or professional), and my Dad had set the precedent that family and business don't mix (when he opened his own business and flat-out stated that family will never work for or with family). Regardless, when my husband announced at the family picnic that he had a new job and that we would be moving, my step-sister didn't offer her services. She didn't ask us if we had contracted with a Realtor yet (which we hadn't). She didn't ask ANYTHING related to us selling or buying a home.

So, here I am pregnant with my Dad, step-mother, and step-sister upset with my husband and me. Will this drama EVER end!? My step-sister went so far as to hold Thanksgiving Dinner this particular year and tell my Dad that my husband & I aren't invited. My Dad, at first, said he wouldn't accept not seeing me on Thanksgiving, but after time went on, he caved and went along with my step-sister's wishes. He told me that my step-sister and her husband were over at his house talking about the situation, and that he is sick of hearing about it. I told him that he's putting himself in the middle, and that if he doesn't want to be, that he should direct my step-sister to talk to my husband and me-- after all, we are the ones she has beef with.

My Dad wanted to set up a time for us "to have a talk". Why couldn't he just talk to me over the phone? It's all about control. He was damned and determined that everything is my fault, that my step-sister is once again the innocent, and that he needs to intervene. I was almost 8 months pregnant, meeting my Dad "to have a talk" about how awful I am, how I should have moved closer, how I should have used my step-sister as a Realtor, and how I need to apologize. I didn't cave, however, and I made my point that we were left out on Thanksgiving and how my step-sister is continually drumming up drama & I don't want a part of it. The talk was insulting, and I left feeling terrible. See subsequent blog post: My Dad, the Narcissistic King.

My husband and I completed the move, unpacked, and tried to settle in before Christmas. By the time Christmas rolled around, my Dad and the rest of the motley crew acted like nothing happened. Everyone was nicey-nicey. In fact, we were thrown a baby shower in January 2007, and everyone had their happy faces on, being all nicey-nicey again.

I started to develop gestational hypertension and had to stay on bed-rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. My Dad and step-mother never came to the house to visit or help. In fact, my Dad and step-mother took a vacation out of the country (planned after we announced the pregnancy) just a week before she was born. Both of them were concerned that she would be born while they were gone, which left my husband and I puzzled as to why they planned the trip when they did in the first place.

I ended up having a c-section, and when the date & time were set, my Dad and step-mother stated they wanted to be there to see me off before the delivery. My husband and I arrive for the surgery, at the time that was specified, but my Dad and step-mother weren't there. We had to wait in a waiting area for a period of time before being taken back for pre-op. Apparently they showed up to see me off for delivery, but we were already back for pre-op. They asked to be taken back to pre-op to see me, but visitors were off limits. They described how they argued with the staff but weren't able to see me.

My daughter was born, and my Dad & step-mother were the first to see her other than my husband & me. They seemed supportive, loving, and excited about the new arrival-- they even came out to our house with dinner a week after she was born! My Dad actually was making an effort to visit on a regular basis, and I was truly thinking that the birth of my child was a new beginning for my Dad and me. I was wrong. Our relationship actually began to get worse-- much worse than ever. And this time is where his narcissism started to shine even brighter.

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